They say that immitation is the greatest form of flattery! Well at least that's what my mom always said 'they said'. Lately I've noticed some new behaviours in my 2 year old Grace. Some of it very encouraging, some not so much. She has taken a liking to nursing her baby (it's super cute, she puts the babies mouth to her belly button). This warms my heart. She is so gentle and tender to her little baby. She also loves to caress her baby sister's face and say 'oh my Joy'. These things she's learned from me. I feel so warm and fuzzy!
Now for the not so nice stuff she's learned. Pointing the finger! Ouch! When she talks with a little 'tone' and points that finger I shrivel inside. Makes me wonder why I do that. It's not something I set out to do. I haven't read it in a parenting book and thought...yup that's how I want to parent my kids. Nope, instead it's a behaviour I picked up from...you guessed it, my dear mom, how do I know, because everytime I catch myself pointing that finger I am reminded of my mom's finger pointing directly at me.
I know there are other things I do that I've inherited (good things too, my mom is an awesome mom). Things I just wish didn't come naturally, but they do, and I am only human afterall. I am trying to tame that finger. I'd much rather see my daughter immitate the good traits of my parenting. But I must not be so hard on myself. As a friend reminded me yesterday we need to rest in God. Take a deep breath, rest knowing that God is sufficient, forgiving, loving, and ask the spirit to guide me next time. It is working, that finger comes out a lot less now that I am aware it likes to pop out in stressful times! I can even take the breath of rest when I feel the finger coming out and then it changes it's mind and more positive actions take it's place.
I have many ideals of how I want to parent. Some of them I have already canned because they just weren't working. Some are things I do but wish I didn't like allowing for move tv than I said I'd let my kids watch, or pointing the finger to name a few. Some things I wish I could do, like elimination communication. I tried this for a few days (I do think it takes longer to be successful). Never caught a single elimination. I made excuses, like, my 2 year old is too busy to allow me to concentrate that much on the elimination needs of my newborn, or I guess I am really not that intuitive to my child's cues, I'm a failure. Eventhough I'd love to follow ECing...I am giving myself some grace in this area. Instead I am using a lot less in terms of diaper wear so that I can detect right away a pee/poo and change my little one. This is the point which I can live with for now.
There are probably things in your parenting that you wish you could do better or do at all but aren't, can't, won't, for whatever reason. You don't have to make excuses. Be free. Maybe without the pressure to do everything right or the lies we tell ourself as to why we can't, won't, don't we can be honest and know we're not perfect...and right now I can go this far...and who knows what the future will hold.
With all the information available for a parent these days it can be overwhelming...especially when we have our kids best intentions in mind, we want the absolute best for them, we don't want to mess them up! We don't parent alone, may God's spirit show you grace in these situations.
I was lol about, "it's not like I read that in a parenting book and though, yup I'm going to do that" about pointing the finger. :) funny. This is a good reminder about kids picking up what we do. I've felt the same as you - been touched with tenderness when I see compassion, care, gentleness in J and cringed inwardly when I've heard my nasty tone of voice or phrases that I don't mean to use. About EC, I'm glad you are being easy on yourself, I think Meg started to go for it more seriously after 3 months when Otto could hold his head up better. I'm wondering how that will all work out for us too...hopefully I'll be easy on myself too. love ya!
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