Thursday, February 10, 2011


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Shutting the Door

I am shutting the door to this blog for the general public. If you'd like access please comment, including your email, these comments will not be published. Otherwise, you will find me over here from now on. Truthfully, I am not sure how often I will come to this space. I was thinking I'd reserve it for those more intimate ponderings. At this point I just want to start fresh. This space got me through some rather difficult stages over the past year or so and I am grateful for those who read, commented, mostly just for the means to let it out.

Sunday, February 28, 2010


8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" ...

13 And though a tenth remains in the land,
it will again be laid waste.
But as the terebinth and oak
leave stumps when they are cut down,
so the holy seed will be the stump in the land." Isaiah 6

God's been putting some pieces together. I believe he's been 'evoking' in me a change of mind, a change of heart. It started with feelings of discontent and doubt. Then moved onto a 'knowing' that plans were in the works, big plans.

While I was visiting my church family in BC the service theme was the verse above. This verse means a lot to me. It's been present at pivotal points in my faith journey. It was present as a send off for our first mission trip, at our wedding, at both my coming and goings in my church work, and now... I anticipated the next move! Yes Lord, SEND ME! But where, with 2 kids!

This past Sunday at church this verse revisited me. Although my pastor spoke about being sent yes, but where, right here. This is when it dawned on me. I have the most important calling of my life right now. Two precious children, and the community in which I live. HERE I AM. I AM SENT. I AM HERE LORD, USE ME. And yes this is indeed an exciting place to be! Our church is starting a Bible school - called, Evoke. Pastor spoke about 'evoke' and how the word of God evokes us to live lives for God. I am excited about being part of a great change in the world scene too, I can do this right here, where I am. I don't need a 'job', or go back to school, I am doing important work right here, right now. I am raising two precious children, who will one day be confident, loving, kind, women, contributing to society, knowing love and sharing love in amazing ways.

I do know I'll need to be reminded of this calling. As a way to do that, I plan to start another blog journeying the simple, important life of a mom, who cooks, cleans, works on piles of laundry, who creates healthy meals, and a loving and stimulating environment for my girls. Also, I am a wife to an incredible man who daily contributes to society, saving lives, and homes, and he needs my tender support. Being kind to myself, and contributing to both my community and the world one moment at a time. I might still write my more deep thoughts here. Most likely I'll only allow access to those who wish to read my deeper heart. I'm hoping with 'Here I Am' I can connect with other like minded moms in the day to day calling. To encourage. To support. To share ideas. If you'd like to join me, I'd love to link you to my page. My email is

I feel like a stump. I pray the seed in me will grow, and grow, and be a place for others to gather and enjoy God's graces. May it be in me, also in my church community, and the global Church, as we become a place for all nations to see God's love. For we are all called, and sent!

These little faces are constant reminders of how precious our job as M-O-M is!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

A Culture of Greed

This idea has been ruminating in my mind for awhile. Today watching a television commercial with my 3 year old I am reminded to explore it some more.

The commercial featured a girl with beautiful long wavy hair. She was dreaming she was a rock star, dancing about on a stage, waving her long locks. Then the commercial promised rock star hair with this certain shampoo product in a purple bottle. Grace was a little mesmerized with the commercial and then demanded to be a rock star. She was even able to articulate that if she put the purple stuff in her hair she'd be a rock star. Wow! Advertising does work. She was a little upset when I told her we wouldn't be purchasing the 'purple stuff'.

Why do we 'lust' and crave so much stuff? We live in a culture of greed and want. Advertisements, the 'American dream', even our government encourage us to buy and spend and want and strive for a 'better' life being a consumer. I've been to cultures where this is not prominent. People aren't concerned about having the newest and the best. Are these people lacking? Actually, in my experience, they seem more content. In these places more 'real' concerns are to be worried about, housing, pay checks, food, a fallen government, violence, to name a few.

Can you imagine, we live in a place where for the most part we are well dressed, well fed, sheltered, and relatively safe on a day to day basis with a functioning government. Yet, we are still unhappy people. Probably because we don't see what we do have because we're too busy looking at things we don't have. We don't appreciate our current wardrobe because the clothes in the store are so much more trendy and well, we all need to fit in with the style of the hour. What about our home? (I'm all for having a cozy, functioning, beautiful home.) How much stuff do we bring into it trying to make our days easier, more beautiful and cozier with those 'cheap fixes' and mass produced items. Six months later there's no emotional attachment or purpose, and well, really it sits there now ugly, taking up space and needs to be replaced. Ok, I'm being kinda extreme here, but only to make my point.

What if we lived in a culture of gratitude? What if there was no one telling us we were lacking in any way, no commercials promising rock star status or underarm deodorant promising true love? What if we were thankful for what we have and really considered every craving or desire and evaluated thoroughly why we want it or feel we need it.

Isn't the Christian culture supposed to be a place of gratitude? Does not Jesus remind us not to worry about what we'll wear? I'm pretty amazed at how this 'gratitude' theme is spreading throughout north American Christendom. I have a few friends now tell/write that they are being more thankful. Also, Ann at Holy Experience and her Gratitude Community. What will happen if gratitude flowed through us and we pointed to God for blessings in our lives? What if we stopped craving/lusting after silly things and focused our attentions on 'real' matters such as poverty, the countless children and women who are sold into sex slavery, or the boys who are forced to be warriors, or....well you get my point. Who is wanting to redirect our attention from God and His people, and the blessings and the potential blessing we can be in this world? Only the evil one, and those who stand to make a profit from our 'wanting'.

First step, be a person of gratitude. Instead of saying 'I want..." saying "I have...I am so thankful!" I'm sure I'll then have more time and energy and money to help those in real need.

Ah, but this is counter cultural, and it is going to be difficult. Spirit lead me.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Remain In Me

Making my home in Jesus - I have been contemplating these two passages today. A topic that has been on my heart is 'living life to the fullest'. I believe this is the first step. Remaining in Jesus. Here's another connection to gratitude, because daily we need to focus on the gift of Jesus in our lives. Go to the 'table' eat the bread and drink the wine and remember and thank the one who saves us.

56Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him. 57Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. 58This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your forefathers ate manna and died, but he who feeds on this bread will live forever." John 6

7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. John 15

Being Kind to Myself - I've been on a refined sugar, and now dairy fast. It's amazing what this does to one's emotional state and thinking. But I am thankful, because now on day 6, my mind seems much clearer. My emotions are more intact. I feel much more balanced. Part of being kind to myself means being kind to my body. As much as sugar and treats seem like a good idea to love myself, that's the furtheset thing from the truth. To treat myself I bought some sugar and dairy free carob chocolate with almonds, can't wait to try it tonight with my real sweetie!

I am focused on being kind to my kids this week since they are both sick with coughs. Nurturing and loving them, I am so thankful to be a stay at home mom who can make their health a priority over the next week. Giving them some much needed 'mommy' time while they are ill. Grace keeps saying "mommy I want you close to me" so sweet. Eventhough, after a few days it's starting to drive me a little crazy. However I did manage to leave her be for a bit to blog today, those breaks are refreshing and bring me back ready to give more. More being kind to myself.

Monday, February 22, 2010


10 For you, O God, tested us;
you refined us like silver.

11 You brought us into prison
and laid burdens on our backs.

12 You let men ride over our heads;
we went through fire and water,
but you brought us to a place of abundance
Psalm 66

Refining, is hard work. But in the end, there's a beautiful, and stronger person. I have experienced refining many times, each time I wonder if I am going 'insane'. Then piece by piece it falls into place, as a mosaic.

Today, I see some clarity.

Lately, I have been having faith, identity, and vocational questions. The past few weeks have not been fun. The wrestling has been stressful and tiring. However, it's all led me to a place where I know God is doing something in my life...some refining. On top of this all, I had a this strong sense of 'calling'. Anytime I have had this 'calling' as strong as it has been has resulted in big life changes such as physical moves, and my first child.

Where's God leading me?

Make Your Home in Me.
I really thought I had things mostly figured out when it came to God and faith. How silly is that? Really can we experience such progress on this earth? God is much bigger than I could ever imagine. But my 'figuring it out' was resorted down to, God is mysterious, we can't figure it out, so why try! But that's not the point is it? I am glad God knocked me down a few pegs. Have you read the story 'Petunia'? It's about a silly goose who finds a book, and knows that wisdom comes from books. She then becomes proud, and more proud and makes a mess of the farm yard because of her 'wisdom'. Then the book drops open, and there are words on the page. The morale of the story: books have great potential for wisdom, but we must open them. Really, one might think they have all the wisdom there is about God, but the truth is, the Bible is the living word. In it is relationship with God. How He continues to speak love and life into us. I've been rather preoccupied with how my physical house looks. What my physical house is about. Rather than focusing on making my home in Jesus.

Be Kind.
I am strongly committed to remaining gentle and kind toward my children. However, I have not been incredibly kind to myself. For me this means making time for myself, and finally working towards some health goals that I have desired for sometime. Making better choices about loving my body. Forgiving myself. Resting in God's graces and strength rather than my own, which are quite insufficient for the life I want to lead. Also, being kinder to my husband and those around me.

I've always been a fairly passionate person. I've always had a strong sense of vocation. Parenting my kids, schooling them, providing a healthy lifestyle, in the knowledge of God's love is quite the vocation at hand. However, I know I want to contribute to the wider picture. There are many out there hurting, and I want to use my gifts and energy to love them. Today, I feel one step closer to what this might be. But I won't share just yet.

I've been running and spinning thinking of new ways to 'fulfill' my life. As filling as it was. Now I know God was using all that confusion to direct me to what really matters. Where does this come from? The lust to want more? To be unsatisfied with what we have? To not be grateful? That's another post sometime. That's really where this all started, cravings, which take me away from 'resting in God' and being full of 'gratitude'.