It's 2010! A new year. New hopes. New ambitions. New year resolutions. New lists. New expectations. I did some reflecting on 2009. What a hard year for us in many ways. My physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual self are all over taxed. There has been very little 'filling up'. Mainly because I am not sure how to fill up. My husband gives me some time off, and I go grocery shopping, not knowing what else to do with my time. Sure a little reflection time writing, or reading is good. I have confided in my husband for not being a good wife, I know I haven't been the best mom, especially lately. Are there others who struggle too?
Here is my reality:
I am spent.
I am TIRED beyond anything I have ever experienced.
I need a break! A long break.
A nice long sleep, without interruption.
My Jesus he loves me. He is rest. He is peace. Please grant me some sanity and some much needed sabbath. I understand why sabbath was required, but as moms, well really it's tough to get that. Please Lord.
Ok, this might not ever get published. And then again it might, but it might not be here when you return someday. It's hard to be vulnerable. And yet I know we all face times of seeking, struggling, finding hope in one moment and grasping the next. For some, maybe all is well, or better than before ...I can't wait for that season to come, yet it might only be in another world.
My goals for 2010 are not long. Topping my list, is finding some ways to fill me up (funny since I was such an advocate of this a year ago). To be real. Life is not always roses, sometimes the thorn in our side is overwhelming. God's grace is sufficient for me.
Where ever you are at this new year, strong and ready to take on the world, or weak and needing some fuel, blessings! We all go through seasons. I think I better embrace this difficult season instead of wishing for a different one. I've learned that well living in Northern Ontario. If you just sit and sulk through the cold winter you don't experience any joy of the season, but if you dress warm, and embrace those cold days, you can experience wonderful winter adventures.
So here's to embracing the winter. Grabbing those skiings and flying down the mountain. Soaking up the warmth from the fireplace. Enjoying those quiet inside games and activities. Lord I need your help, your grace.