The Self Soother!

There are 2 schools of thought when it comes to soothing a baby...those parents who soothe their children and those who believe the child should learn to self soothe. We've been the parents to soothe our children, but are always happy when our child surprises us and learns on their own to self soothe (meaning without coersion). I haven't really thought about my own self soothing practises...but a book I am reading called "Bold Love" and also my 7 Days of Goodness has shown me that infact I self soothe...maybe a little too much! (Baby soothing is not the topic here, but I do find it an interesting subject in itself!)

The methods I use to self soothe aren't wrong in themselves, Dan Allender refers to them as "legitimate but ineffective". These (what have now become rituals for me, like coffee, phone calls, etc) actions are not wrong per say, but it's the reason I lean on them. I lean on these activities for comfort, for freedom from my reality when it is God who I should lean on and seek to fill me up. Because I don't want to "struggle with God". Dan Allender writes "...finding life through soothing the soul rather than from struggling with God."

What to do? When I feel those moments that I need...comfort, mercy, freedom, love, peace, joy, contentment, some sort of completion...I need to seek out God first. The coffee can come later as a pleasure rather than meeting a need that only God can meet. As I see it, if we fill our deepest longings with trivial, even immoral rituals we won't work through the problem of the situation. We'll just become 'addicts'. Now that I am aware I am going to experiment with this theory and seek and struggle with God first. Then enjoy my coffee, or chocolate, as pure goodness (gifts in themselves) and not a soul soother!

Another quote from Allender: "If God will not act on my (or others') behalf, then I will step in to make up for His lack." Whoa! That's me! I am a fixer. I really need to let God be God. This one I am going to have to think about a lot more. Your thoughts?

I really like this quote from Bold Love too...
"We are to live with the ongoing cycle of anticipation/sorrow. If we 'admit' our deep desire is not fully met, then we can embrace the reality of a sojourner who has not yet found rest and peace. It is not 'abnormal' to be empty, sad, and lonely at the deepest place in our souls that was fashioned for eternity - to be dissatisfied with the empty provisions of this world, sad over the destruction of beauty, lonely for the companionship of lost friendships. It is not only not abnormal, but wrong to be otherwise." pg 142.

Ah ha! I am normal. I think all too often we forget this reality in which we live and then seek to make all things 'right'. But reality is they will not all be right until our union with God. Sigh. This is such good news! Now I can 'live' with that feeling/longing inside me,this thorn in the flesh. I can hunger after God and seek him, but it won't be completely full until Heaven (thank goodness for glimpses to keep us hopeful!)

Allender quotes Fredrick Buechner from "The Magnificent Defeat": "The birth of righteousness and love in this stern world is always a virgin birth. It is never men nor the nations of men not all the power and wisdom of men that bring it forth but always God." Lord birth in me love and righteousness.

Be Mine!

My husband was really in the Valentine's day mood this year. I think it was because he now had 3 loves in his life and he wanted to celebrate that. Just an aside, my husband daily shows his love to all of us, you can see that he is overflowing with love for his family, it's quite neat. Anyhow, he went out and got each of us a little something. He bought the baby a banzai tree (if you know my husband this makes perfect sense), a teddy bear balloon for the 2 year old, and for me... mmmm a great bottle of Merlot! You can sense he was excited to express his love.

Well our 2 yr old Grace had had a fun morning at the farmer's market with gramma and grampa. They said she managed to sweet talk her way into lots of treats! Mostly of the high sugar variety. Needless to say by the time I got her home she was CRANKY!! Thankfully she went for a nap rather easily. My husband went to go wake her up in time for an early dinner he had prepared for us. He was excited to show her the balloon. Well, she was still cranky when she woke up. She could care less about the balloon and did not want to have dinner opting to watch some TV. Since she was beyond reasoning with in such a cranky state we allowed for her to do just that while we enjoyed our meal. I could tell my husband was disappointed. But we enjoyed each other and the meal.

Eventually she did come out of her little state and is enjoying the balloon very much. She also devoured her dinner wanting more. (Too bad daddy is at work and is not witnessing it).

The event made me think about yesterday. I woke up CRANKY!!! A BIG BABY. I'm not sure what it was. Eventually I told myself the truth, that there really wasn't anything to be so CRANKY about I managed to get myself out of it. But I could definitely relate to my 2 year old. I wonder in what ways God was showing me love as I sat there unwilling to receive, just as Grace refused her daddy's affection today.

I'm a firm believer that God is showering us with blessing and love all the time. We just either refuse to see it sometimes and choose to focus on the troubles or we are ignorant that God is loving (usually because people have told us we are unloveable in one way or another). The truth - GOD IS LOVE! He loves each of us very much. Not for what we do but for who we are, His beloved creation, His dear children. I'm glad He still loves me when I am cranky, just as I continue to love my toddler.

I hope you know how much God loves YOU.

Here are the loves of my life...

Hope not Fear

Today Obama is sworn in as president of the USA. I am pretty excited to see some change under his leadership. His speach was very encouraging. I particularly liked his comment about the people of the USA choosing hope rather than fear.

I think about that as a parent and how I want my children to be full of hope and not fear. I don't want my daughters making decisions based on fear. Fear drives people's decisions each day. I really need to evaluate some of my decisions to see what the motivation is behind them.

I also think of the fear tactics Christians have used in order to "win souls". "Do you know where you are going when you die?" God is a loving God. He is a good God. He is full of grace! Fear of the afterlive doesn't equate faith! I know many people who have not cared to hear more once they get the "speach". It's out of God's love that people will respond to His invitation.

I want to be a love bearer, not only to my daughters, family and friends but to my global community. But where to start? My good friend has challenged me to take action. It's something I always think about and seek out but don't act on...at least not with full force! I think I want to particularly focus on children. When I look at my girls, the smiles on their faces, my heart melts. They are so precious. Knowing that children around the world are suffering, hungry, and unloved is unsettling. My hope is that through this blog (although not many people know about it) people would be encouraged to love their kids. Sharing frustrations and ideas.

Love Is

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Co 13

I've been meaning to put this up on my fridge now for a few months! I want to constantly be reminded to LOVE in all my relationships. I was just remembering today that this passage was read at my wedding. In those early years I never imagined how much these words would really need to be proclaimed. Now that we have children it is a whole new story! I love my kids very much. But at 2:30am when the 2 year old is crying and won't go to sleep and the baby is on the verge of being woken up, it's not easy to be patient, kind or not envy the people everywhere who are getting a good nights rest!

I realize God is the only one who can LOVE perfectly in the way Paul writes about. But through the spirit we too can bring real love into all our relationships. For the past 2 years I have been making this a priority raising my children. Now I want to know what this means for all my relationships. Sometimes it's not as easy as it might seem. Even with those closest to you. Hence the need for daily reminding!

So my main question is how to love my children as God loves them and in a way that reflects his love that they would grow to know God as all loving, all the time! This is a daily question I need to ask myself, I am sure it will help shape my parenting decisions as they come. As long as I don't act out in my frustration! I need to get a hold on that. Thinking back I know I could have been a lot more loving (ie. patient) with Grace early this morning. God help me show your love to Grace and Joy through my parenting. May your spirit guide me and prompt me to not act out of frustration but to LOVE.

Simplicity!

This morning I had lots on my mind. I met with some new friends for coffee last night and discussed faith. Mainly how we are saved through grace alone in Christ Jesus. As we talked I thought to myself, we keep saying the same thing over and over, I think we should get it by now. Then on the drive home my new friend asked me about my denominational doctrines. I couldn't believe how hard it was to reiterate this to her (which is not like me since my vocation for the past 8 or so years was to teach these doctrines). I was quite confused as to why I felt this way. I went to bed thinking, and got up thinking. This morning I think I understand my feelings a little more, it all came into perspective watching my 2 year old role play a sacred act between mother and child.

My husband and I were busy talking about the days events. He was getting Grace ready to go and wanted her to put her coat on her, when we both looked down at her and realized she was nursing her baby doll under her sweater. She looked up at us with the sweetest face and said "baby wants milk". Both of us stopped in out tracks and took in this simple moment between mother and child.

It's amazing how the actions of a 2 year old can put such confusing subjects into perspective. My explanation of my doctrines felt insignificant after a conversation that brought faith to it's simplest meaning - Christ Jesus. And hearing it over and over is what I needed (and will always need) because we are always bound to get caught up in the rules, doctrines, and routines of life pulling us away from the core meaning. Joy is now 2.5 months old, her life is so simple. Nursing, cuddling, smiling, and sleeping! She is content in the arms of her mother who loves her. Just as I am content in the arms of Jesus who takes away my shame and loves me always.

After the baby doll finished nursing we asked Grace to pose for this picture. Then we took the time to help our daughter cloth and assemble the necessary "baby" goods for the trip in the car. No one rushed. We all took our time and simply cared for the baby doll.