The Self Soother!

There are 2 schools of thought when it comes to soothing a baby...those parents who soothe their children and those who believe the child should learn to self soothe. We've been the parents to soothe our children, but are always happy when our child surprises us and learns on their own to self soothe (meaning without coersion). I haven't really thought about my own self soothing practises...but a book I am reading called "Bold Love" and also my 7 Days of Goodness has shown me that infact I self soothe...maybe a little too much! (Baby soothing is not the topic here, but I do find it an interesting subject in itself!)

The methods I use to self soothe aren't wrong in themselves, Dan Allender refers to them as "legitimate but ineffective". These (what have now become rituals for me, like coffee, phone calls, etc) actions are not wrong per say, but it's the reason I lean on them. I lean on these activities for comfort, for freedom from my reality when it is God who I should lean on and seek to fill me up. Because I don't want to "struggle with God". Dan Allender writes "...finding life through soothing the soul rather than from struggling with God."

What to do? When I feel those moments that I need...comfort, mercy, freedom, love, peace, joy, contentment, some sort of completion...I need to seek out God first. The coffee can come later as a pleasure rather than meeting a need that only God can meet. As I see it, if we fill our deepest longings with trivial, even immoral rituals we won't work through the problem of the situation. We'll just become 'addicts'. Now that I am aware I am going to experiment with this theory and seek and struggle with God first. Then enjoy my coffee, or chocolate, as pure goodness (gifts in themselves) and not a soul soother!

Another quote from Allender: "If God will not act on my (or others') behalf, then I will step in to make up for His lack." Whoa! That's me! I am a fixer. I really need to let God be God. This one I am going to have to think about a lot more. Your thoughts?

I really like this quote from Bold Love too...
"We are to live with the ongoing cycle of anticipation/sorrow. If we 'admit' our deep desire is not fully met, then we can embrace the reality of a sojourner who has not yet found rest and peace. It is not 'abnormal' to be empty, sad, and lonely at the deepest place in our souls that was fashioned for eternity - to be dissatisfied with the empty provisions of this world, sad over the destruction of beauty, lonely for the companionship of lost friendships. It is not only not abnormal, but wrong to be otherwise." pg 142.

Ah ha! I am normal. I think all too often we forget this reality in which we live and then seek to make all things 'right'. But reality is they will not all be right until our union with God. Sigh. This is such good news! Now I can 'live' with that feeling/longing inside me,this thorn in the flesh. I can hunger after God and seek him, but it won't be completely full until Heaven (thank goodness for glimpses to keep us hopeful!)

Allender quotes Fredrick Buechner from "The Magnificent Defeat": "The birth of righteousness and love in this stern world is always a virgin birth. It is never men nor the nations of men not all the power and wisdom of men that bring it forth but always God." Lord birth in me love and righteousness.

Simplicity!

This morning I had lots on my mind. I met with some new friends for coffee last night and discussed faith. Mainly how we are saved through grace alone in Christ Jesus. As we talked I thought to myself, we keep saying the same thing over and over, I think we should get it by now. Then on the drive home my new friend asked me about my denominational doctrines. I couldn't believe how hard it was to reiterate this to her (which is not like me since my vocation for the past 8 or so years was to teach these doctrines). I was quite confused as to why I felt this way. I went to bed thinking, and got up thinking. This morning I think I understand my feelings a little more, it all came into perspective watching my 2 year old role play a sacred act between mother and child.

My husband and I were busy talking about the days events. He was getting Grace ready to go and wanted her to put her coat on her, when we both looked down at her and realized she was nursing her baby doll under her sweater. She looked up at us with the sweetest face and said "baby wants milk". Both of us stopped in out tracks and took in this simple moment between mother and child.

It's amazing how the actions of a 2 year old can put such confusing subjects into perspective. My explanation of my doctrines felt insignificant after a conversation that brought faith to it's simplest meaning - Christ Jesus. And hearing it over and over is what I needed (and will always need) because we are always bound to get caught up in the rules, doctrines, and routines of life pulling us away from the core meaning. Joy is now 2.5 months old, her life is so simple. Nursing, cuddling, smiling, and sleeping! She is content in the arms of her mother who loves her. Just as I am content in the arms of Jesus who takes away my shame and loves me always.

After the baby doll finished nursing we asked Grace to pose for this picture. Then we took the time to help our daughter cloth and assemble the necessary "baby" goods for the trip in the car. No one rushed. We all took our time and simply cared for the baby doll.