Evoke!

8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" ...

13 And though a tenth remains in the land,
it will again be laid waste.
But as the terebinth and oak
leave stumps when they are cut down,
so the holy seed will be the stump in the land." Isaiah 6

God's been putting some pieces together. I believe he's been 'evoking' in me a change of mind, a change of heart. It started with feelings of discontent and doubt. Then moved onto a 'knowing' that plans were in the works, big plans.

While I was visiting my church family in BC the service theme was the verse above. This verse means a lot to me. It's been present at pivotal points in my faith journey. It was present as a send off for our first mission trip, at our wedding, at both my coming and goings in my church work, and now... I anticipated the next move! Yes Lord, SEND ME! But where, with 2 kids!

This past Sunday at church this verse revisited me. Although my pastor spoke about being sent yes, but where, right here. This is when it dawned on me. I have the most important calling of my life right now. Two precious children, and the community in which I live. HERE I AM. I AM SENT. I AM HERE LORD, USE ME. And yes this is indeed an exciting place to be! Our church is starting a Bible school - called, Evoke. Pastor spoke about 'evoke' and how the word of God evokes us to live lives for God. I am excited about being part of a great change in the world scene too, I can do this right here, where I am. I don't need a 'job', or go back to school, I am doing important work right here, right now. I am raising two precious children, who will one day be confident, loving, kind, women, contributing to society, knowing love and sharing love in amazing ways.

I do know I'll need to be reminded of this calling. As a way to do that, I plan to start another blog journeying the simple, important life of a mom, who cooks, cleans, works on piles of laundry, who creates healthy meals, and a loving and stimulating environment for my girls. Also, I am a wife to an incredible man who daily contributes to society, saving lives, and homes, and he needs my tender support. Being kind to myself, and contributing to both my community and the world one moment at a time. I might still write my more deep thoughts here. Most likely I'll only allow access to those who wish to read my deeper heart. I'm hoping with 'Here I Am' I can connect with other like minded moms in the day to day calling. To encourage. To support. To share ideas. If you'd like to join me, I'd love to link you to my page. My email is tammy77@live.ca.

I feel like a stump. I pray the seed in me will grow, and grow, and be a place for others to gather and enjoy God's graces. May it be in me, also in my church community, and the global Church, as we become a place for all nations to see God's love. For we are all called, and sent!

These little faces are constant reminders of how precious our job as M-O-M is!

A Culture of Greed

This idea has been ruminating in my mind for awhile. Today watching a television commercial with my 3 year old I am reminded to explore it some more.

The commercial featured a girl with beautiful long wavy hair. She was dreaming she was a rock star, dancing about on a stage, waving her long locks. Then the commercial promised rock star hair with this certain shampoo product in a purple bottle. Grace was a little mesmerized with the commercial and then demanded to be a rock star. She was even able to articulate that if she put the purple stuff in her hair she'd be a rock star. Wow! Advertising does work. She was a little upset when I told her we wouldn't be purchasing the 'purple stuff'.

Why do we 'lust' and crave so much stuff? We live in a culture of greed and want. Advertisements, the 'American dream', even our government encourage us to buy and spend and want and strive for a 'better' life being a consumer. I've been to cultures where this is not prominent. People aren't concerned about having the newest and the best. Are these people lacking? Actually, in my experience, they seem more content. In these places more 'real' concerns are to be worried about, housing, pay checks, food, a fallen government, violence, to name a few.

Can you imagine, we live in a place where for the most part we are well dressed, well fed, sheltered, and relatively safe on a day to day basis with a functioning government. Yet, we are still unhappy people. Probably because we don't see what we do have because we're too busy looking at things we don't have. We don't appreciate our current wardrobe because the clothes in the store are so much more trendy and well, we all need to fit in with the style of the hour. What about our home? (I'm all for having a cozy, functioning, beautiful home.) How much stuff do we bring into it trying to make our days easier, more beautiful and cozier with those 'cheap fixes' and mass produced items. Six months later there's no emotional attachment or purpose, and well, really it sits there now ugly, taking up space and needs to be replaced. Ok, I'm being kinda extreme here, but only to make my point.

What if we lived in a culture of gratitude? What if there was no one telling us we were lacking in any way, no commercials promising rock star status or underarm deodorant promising true love? What if we were thankful for what we have and really considered every craving or desire and evaluated thoroughly why we want it or feel we need it.

Isn't the Christian culture supposed to be a place of gratitude? Does not Jesus remind us not to worry about what we'll wear? I'm pretty amazed at how this 'gratitude' theme is spreading throughout north American Christendom. I have a few friends now tell/write that they are being more thankful. Also, Ann at Holy Experience and her Gratitude Community. What will happen if gratitude flowed through us and we pointed to God for blessings in our lives? What if we stopped craving/lusting after silly things and focused our attentions on 'real' matters such as poverty, the countless children and women who are sold into sex slavery, or the boys who are forced to be warriors, or....well you get my point. Who is wanting to redirect our attention from God and His people, and the blessings and the potential blessing we can be in this world? Only the evil one, and those who stand to make a profit from our 'wanting'.

First step, be a person of gratitude. Instead of saying 'I want..." saying "I have...I am so thankful!" I'm sure I'll then have more time and energy and money to help those in real need.

Ah, but this is counter cultural, and it is going to be difficult. Spirit lead me.

Remain In Me

Making my home in Jesus - I have been contemplating these two passages today. A topic that has been on my heart is 'living life to the fullest'. I believe this is the first step. Remaining in Jesus. Here's another connection to gratitude, because daily we need to focus on the gift of Jesus in our lives. Go to the 'table' eat the bread and drink the wine and remember and thank the one who saves us.

56Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him. 57Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. 58This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your forefathers ate manna and died, but he who feeds on this bread will live forever." John 6

7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. John 15

Being Kind to Myself - I've been on a refined sugar, and now dairy fast. It's amazing what this does to one's emotional state and thinking. But I am thankful, because now on day 6, my mind seems much clearer. My emotions are more intact. I feel much more balanced. Part of being kind to myself means being kind to my body. As much as sugar and treats seem like a good idea to love myself, that's the furtheset thing from the truth. To treat myself I bought some sugar and dairy free carob chocolate with almonds, can't wait to try it tonight with my real sweetie!

I am focused on being kind to my kids this week since they are both sick with coughs. Nurturing and loving them, I am so thankful to be a stay at home mom who can make their health a priority over the next week. Giving them some much needed 'mommy' time while they are ill. Grace keeps saying "mommy I want you close to me" so sweet. Eventhough, after a few days it's starting to drive me a little crazy. However I did manage to leave her be for a bit to blog today, those breaks are refreshing and bring me back ready to give more. More being kind to myself.

Refine

10 For you, O God, tested us;
you refined us like silver.

11 You brought us into prison
and laid burdens on our backs.

12 You let men ride over our heads;
we went through fire and water,
but you brought us to a place of abundance
Psalm 66

Refining, is hard work. But in the end, there's a beautiful, and stronger person. I have experienced refining many times, each time I wonder if I am going 'insane'. Then piece by piece it falls into place, as a mosaic.

Today, I see some clarity.

Lately, I have been having faith, identity, and vocational questions. The past few weeks have not been fun. The wrestling has been stressful and tiring. However, it's all led me to a place where I know God is doing something in my life...some refining. On top of this all, I had a this strong sense of 'calling'. Anytime I have had this 'calling' as strong as it has been has resulted in big life changes such as physical moves, and my first child.

Where's God leading me?

Make Your Home in Me.
I really thought I had things mostly figured out when it came to God and faith. How silly is that? Really can we experience such progress on this earth? God is much bigger than I could ever imagine. But my 'figuring it out' was resorted down to, God is mysterious, we can't figure it out, so why try! But that's not the point is it? I am glad God knocked me down a few pegs. Have you read the story 'Petunia'? It's about a silly goose who finds a book, and knows that wisdom comes from books. She then becomes proud, and more proud and makes a mess of the farm yard because of her 'wisdom'. Then the book drops open, and there are words on the page. The morale of the story: books have great potential for wisdom, but we must open them. Really, one might think they have all the wisdom there is about God, but the truth is, the Bible is the living word. In it is relationship with God. How He continues to speak love and life into us. I've been rather preoccupied with how my physical house looks. What my physical house is about. Rather than focusing on making my home in Jesus.

Be Kind.
I am strongly committed to remaining gentle and kind toward my children. However, I have not been incredibly kind to myself. For me this means making time for myself, and finally working towards some health goals that I have desired for sometime. Making better choices about loving my body. Forgiving myself. Resting in God's graces and strength rather than my own, which are quite insufficient for the life I want to lead. Also, being kinder to my husband and those around me.

Passion.
I've always been a fairly passionate person. I've always had a strong sense of vocation. Parenting my kids, schooling them, providing a healthy lifestyle, in the knowledge of God's love is quite the vocation at hand. However, I know I want to contribute to the wider picture. There are many out there hurting, and I want to use my gifts and energy to love them. Today, I feel one step closer to what this might be. But I won't share just yet.

I've been running and spinning thinking of new ways to 'fulfill' my life. As filling as it was. Now I know God was using all that confusion to direct me to what really matters. Where does this come from? The lust to want more? To be unsatisfied with what we have? To not be grateful? That's another post sometime. That's really where this all started, cravings, which take me away from 'resting in God' and being full of 'gratitude'.

Choosing Joy

“Gratitude is truly my life preserver. Even in the most turbulent waters, choosing gratitude rescues me from myself and my runaway emotions. It buoys me on the grace of God and keeps me from drowning in what otherwise would be my natural bent toward doubt, negativity, discouragement, and anxiety. Over time, choosing gratitude means choosing joy…” – Nancy Leigh Demoss...thanks for posting this Claire, I needed it close by so I had to share it here too!

This quote rings true. Runaway emotions, yes this is me. Gratitude, gets me back on track. I am less focused on the difficulties of life, which only drain me. Instead, I am free to focus on the good, the hopeful, the joyful, the grace of God. I am refocused, because life is good. Why? Because God meets us here. His love encompasses us in the small and seemingly insignificant and in the large obvious ways. In obstacles, he is there. Mostly gratitude gives me perspective on life. Takes me out of my lust, self focus, and pity parties and brings me to a place of, well, JOY. The word is so fitting.

And so I am yet reminded by my little one's who teach me daily about God's grace and joy in my life. Because it is in the grace of God we cling and in such find much joy. I love you girls.

How To...

My husband and I had a lovely converstation today when we went for a winter walk. It was picture perfect. Nice and warm. The girls were simply enjoying the scenery.

I have more of this to digest. But we were pondering our attitudes of late. Mostly they've been 'how to' attitudes. How to deal with tough relationships (bound to happen when you live close to family I suppose). How to parent effectively. How do love others. How to renovate your home. How to be more frugal. How to live more green. How to be a good wife, or husband. How to be a person of faith. How to, how to, how to...and not enough real living! The 'how to' is important, but it's not the true thing that matters. When you live your life in constant analyzing there's little room for romance, and really living and loving.

Jesus is a Living God

I had an interesting experience yesterday. I have new perspective of my discontentment. I sat around the room with some trusted fellow Christian ladies and we shared stories. Perhaps I should say, they shared stories. The passion for Jesus was evident. Their faith was refreshing. Could it be that in my struggles over the past few months that I have become jaded? Thinking that God was not active and moving? He provided sure, for that I am grateful...but could it be that this was all part of His plan. That God will do good through it? That this is not merely a burden that was saved from catastrophe, but will eventually be a blessing and a beautiful plan unfolded? I think I lost sight of this possibility. I think I might have just believed that God loved and cared, but He wasn't moving. This perspective saddens me. For I know of the intimacy with Jesus. I have felt His presence and love. I have witnessed the miracles and beauty of His tender workings in my life and plenty of others. So today, I thank my Wednesday night lady friends, for sharing your stories, your passion, which has reminded me that my faith is about much more than 'knowing' there is a God and I am saved, but has reminded me to 'live in the spirit'. Reminding me that Jesus is a living God, and is among us.

"So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature." Galatians 5:16

My Lenten Journey

It's a discipline I have tried to keep with.
It's a discipline that gives me joy and peace and perspective.
However, it always becomes last priority.
For Lent I will focus on being thankful. First and foremost for Jesus and all he's done for me.

I've been reading "Sex God" by Rob Bell and chapter 4 has been instrumental in why I know I need to focus more on gratitude. The chapter is about Lust. He looks at lust in a broad sense not just sexual. He talks in more of wants and desires, and cravings. It comes from not being content with our present situation, for me, that's mainly because of the 'if' factor. "The if means we have become attached to the idea that we are missing something" page73. Really, I love my life, and any lust is really lieing to me, that life could be better. "Until we can centre ourselves on what we do have, on what God has given us, on the life we get to live, we'll constantly be looking for another life." (74). He goes onto say that that's why God commands us to remember who we are in Christ. "If we stop remembering, we might forget." Too often in my day I forget who I am. Then as Paul, I do what I do not want to do, and I feel dissatisfied.

Bell quotes 1 Co 6:12 "I have the right to do anything - but I will not be mastered by anything."

"If I want something to the point that I can't conceive of being content without it, then it owns me....Freedom is going without whatever we crave and being fine with it" (75). This is my journey, to discover what has a hold of me. To experience freedom from these lies.

I am replacing any 'cravings' or 'wantings' with gratitude. Also to think on good desires, such as the fruits of the spirit.

"Be at rest one more, O my soul,
for the Lord has been good to you." Psalm 116:7